Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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