Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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