I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
