what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
