Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
