Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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