you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
