i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
