Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
