Please, let me fuck your mom
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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