I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
