They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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