I'm drive I can fine osifer
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize