Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
