i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
