She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
