I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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