Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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