As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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