You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
