When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
