Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
