I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
