Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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