grandma shit on top of the toilet
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
