you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
