We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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