There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
