I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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