Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
