So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
