I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
