I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
