I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Still dying that you shit outside
BRING THE BAGELS
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
