my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
