Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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