Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
