Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
