So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
