I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
