Umm I'm too high to move.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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