The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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