More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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