It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
