He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
