so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
