yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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