i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
