but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
