Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
