got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize