Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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