Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
