those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
