I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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