OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
