Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
love makes seman taste better
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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