Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
it's like iHOP with fire
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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