1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
