Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
