no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
