When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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