Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I won't apologize to a one balled man
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
