Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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