You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
