It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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