Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize