Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
