I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Someone shattered a urinal.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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