8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
