Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
