addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
