party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
