me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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