I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
