new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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