I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
