i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize