I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
