FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
