i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Sext me about skeletons
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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