try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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