the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
