I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
