6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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