Pants 0. Shit 1.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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