I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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