Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
