she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
