Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
