i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
