Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
