We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize