I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
