Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
