Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
