i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
