Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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