Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
