remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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