Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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